juz an urge to update

well, today is oredi 10 dec.. last updated was on nat's birthday.. anyway, i always work and study.. hai~ my life is really filled up.. and sometimes, i feel tat i couldnt handle so much things.. feel so tired and get frustrated and angry easily..sometimes, i feel tat i have been arrogant and selfish.. and flare up at dear for no reason.. wat kind of gf am i? i am really sometimes very disappointed with my behaviour and my actions.. regretful sometimes and think i need to cut down on my working hrs.. or else, dear may juz leave me some day.... sobz.. i am such a disappointment.. yesterday i almost even quarrel with dear.. argh... i am so useless.. get angry with little things and make myself guilty for the whole day.. and i simply juz feel jealous of dunno wat.. juz jealous.. hai~ y? y? y????!!! mayb i love him and i am overly possessive of him.. should i change? i am so confused.. my mind is filled with uncertainties.. i am juz too afraid.. afraid tat 1 day, dear will flare up and leave me.. sobz.. today was still ok.. went to watch shutter during break time from 12-4.. tat was cool.. haha.. but dear went to jb do his IC.. he didnt have the chance to watch with us... great tat he came back to class by 4pm.. but he wasnt very happy.. coz he was rather tired.. he wasnt in good mood.. and i really scared... he sent me home today... lucky he has simmer down.. i am really scared when he isnt in good mood...